The Importance Of Remaining Positive During Custody Problems

When facing a separation or divorce it is undoubtedly a traumatic time for all involved. Unfortunately, all too often, children are among the worst affected and custody problems are common. Parents tend to unintentionally let their kids become a weapon. I say unintentionally because this is such a stressful time that it is often difficult to think straight and even tougher to understand how your actions will affect others. I am not suggesting for a minute that couples should stay together for the sake of their children. I do not agree with this because it simply means that kids will grow up in an unhappy environment and will probably be more affected by this, than coping with parental separation.

In an ideal world, parents would be able to come to an amicable arrangement without the need for intervention and all the custody problems that inevitably come with it. At the same time, children would be given regular access to both parents long term. But, this is not always the case and all too often the decision has to be made in court. If two loving parents both wish to have their children live with them, how on earth do you decide which one should be successful? I would certainly not want to be in court making the call, and sometimes the courts get it wrong to.

My Brother-in-law has not seen his daughter for 5 years despite numerous court battles and tens of thousands of dollars in law fees. I have always tried to look at all aspects of his case with an unbiased view, but in my opinion, the decision made by the courts has been not only unfair but also completely devastating. His custody problems have now been going on for years and are still continuing. Yet he has no thoughts of giving up trying to gain access to see his daughter. He works for the army, which means he could be posted to other countries or even called to go to war, so I can understand the decision for custody to be given to her mother. But, what is so upsetting is the fact that his parental abilities have never been in question. He is a wonderful father and is now remarried with another baby daughter so his lifestyle is not in question either. Yet in spite of all this he is not even allowed to see his daughter or even communicate with her in any way. I can only imagine the pain this must cause but I am well aware that my brother-in-law is not alone.

The important thing with all custody problems is not to give up and to try to remain positive as this will help prove to the courts how important your relationship with your child or children is. In the above case there is a small light on the horizon. First of all, he is allowed to re-appeal again next year and hopefully will be successful in gaining at least visiting rights. However, if unsuccessful again he may have to wait 3 more years. At this time his daughter will be old enough to decide if she wishes to see her daddy and we are all quietly confident at the choice she will make.